Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Hello Earth

i just wanted you to express your love.. i really cant feel anything becos you dont express it out. you dont even tell me that you love me on the phone unless i ask for it. you dont even give me a kiss in the bus unless i wanted a kiss. you dont even tried to hold my hand in the bus unless i wanted it. how can i feel your love if all of this are done by me?? i need to ask then i get it?? i need to initiate then i have it?? Why do i have to look for chances to even spend time with you at my house. becos at that day spending at my house.. thats the only way that i really feel that you love me and you express out your love. Haix.. maybe you have change. maybe i am not important to you anymore.. maybe you dont need me in your life anymore.. or maybe you dont love me anymore...

i can dont have that. but can you show me a little more of your love? initiating more? try to hold my hand or hug me yourself? kiss me yourself?? or saying you love me or even you miss me on the phone?? i have to disappear for some time... A TIME FOR YOU TO THINK WHETHER YOU REALLY LOVE ME OR NOT? A TIME FOR ME TO THINK WHETHER WE SHOULD REMAIN THE SAME OR NOT?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Hello Earth

i have been saving up messages of you saying i love you to me.. so whenever i am down.. something like that might help a little by telling me that you love me.. yesterday, you said you want to spend your lifetime with me.. i was so happy to see that message. i hope you wont get bored of my face then. =) we still got a lot of things we never do together.. genting date are getting closer and closer. its like so happy to go oversea with you even though it is just genting. Baby, i love you.. i dont know whether you can really feel that i love you deeply or not.. but i really do..

One day dont see you will miss you already. how i wish i live with you and can see you everyday...

Lots of Love <3

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Hello Earth

i dont know what you are doing.. i dont know what you are thinking. you never share how you feel with me. and as if i am nothing to you. the phone call, we have never talk on phone properly for some time already. your excuse of avoiding to talk to me on phone was by saying you busy and will talk to me later. you didnt say what you are doing. you didnt talk to me even when you are free. i am about to go berserk already. you have been treating me so coldly this few days. replying sms with 1 word or 2 words. is talking to me so difficult that you have to avoid talking to me??

Why cant i feel any love from you now? why cant i have a heart to heart talk with you now??? What am i to you?? Am i important to you? am i even the 1st first you thought of when you meet problems? do you know how much i wanna cry right now?? and do you know that i feel like giving up this relationship already?? i love you.. i really do love you.. but do you love me too? do you love me as much as i love you? i had never done all this before. you are the 1st girl i ever treated so well. thinking of how to treat you even better everyday. thinking of what you are doing every minutes. all of this sounds very scary. but i am just so into you.. I promised before that i will hold you tight and will not let you go. are you holding me tightly too??

i am tired. i have no energy for anything else. maybe i will just let you do whatever you want to do. until the day you feel that you dont love me and need me anymore and leave me. i cried enough. more than enough for you.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Hello Earth

its 2.08am.. i dont know why i cant sleep. maybe because i had too much things in mind that i wanted to say.. i really didnt mean to say that you bo xin to qin yi. i was just kidding. it happen like this. i was holding on to my phone from 8pm till around 10.30pm which you called at that time. when it was around 9pm. i still haven receive your call.. they asked me why i keep looking my at phone. then i just say that i am waiting for you to text me.. i say you are busy with ur chalet then forget about me liao. so bo xin.. but i say it in a joking way. and i add on behind saying that you long time never have chalet liao. then i let you go have fun lor..

i didnt know that you will get angry over words that i say it out of joking manner. if i really mean it. why would i tell you that i say you bo xin to them?? why would i be so stupid to tell you that? i dont like the way that you use things to make me angry.. makes me so sad. makes me feel like you wanted your freedom so badly that you will do anything to get them back from me.

maybe after writing all these will make me feel better so that i could sleep after i finish writing this post. Blog seems to be the second way that i could express out myself.

just now.. i a bit feel like punching the wall again. heart feel so painful. haix. thats why will shed tears underneath the blanket. i love you. i really do. hold me tight and dont let me go.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Hello Earth

Wednesday was a good day. it was like a heart to heart talk. talk until we both shed tears and how much suffer and stress she and i had been through. its like every mystery were revealed that day. all misunderstanding were explained. that also makes our friday really really sweet. a day which makes me feel like i really cant live without you. You were sweet. gave me all the love you had. makes a feel so much better. i am just worried that you will get tired of me and start leaving me. i hope all my worries are just imaginations. I Love You <3

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Hello Earth

Today wasnt a good day either. early in the morning received a message from you. saying you are having an extra CDS lesson on friday. i just wanna ask "Can i see the email?" but i didnt becos i choose to believe you instead that you are not lying to avoid spending time with me. why does the CDS have to be on friday? Why does you have a family chalet on sat to monday and not able to spend any of the days with me?? WHY? you are heavily occupied with all your programs. we couldnt even spend some time talking to each other. every SMS needs to wait for some time before i could see your replies. and your replies are always so short that i dont even know how to continue the conversation with you in the SMS. Cant you just talk more to me and reply me a little longer? I want you to ask me more questions like what time is my lesson? You miss me or not? Why is it so difficult for you to do that?

Everything may sound like i am crazy that why you ask me stop being so crazy. but think again?? what makes me so crazy? i reserved every single day for you so that when you are free and you wanna meet me.. i am always able to meet you. i am ready to push away all my dates or meeting with anyone else. But are you able to do that for me?? TP 20th anniversary seems very important to you and as if it is very meaningful in your life that you celebrate TP 20th birthday. But let me gurantee 1 thing. you will forget about TP once you leave the school and start working outside.

even if i told you that This flashmob will be your last event in school now. but i know that you will join other event and try to persuade me again to join other events next time.. but i will say no. no means no for any kinds of event. you have to choose " Event or Me". i dont want to be your 2nd choice. Trust me, i say i dont want means i dont want.

lately you also dont really call me bee already. you only call me "eh Eh or EH". it sounds like i am no longer someone important to you already. i dont know why this blog suddenly becomes a place where i say crazy things in here. but i know i could say all this to you becos you NEVER will understand how i felt. i love you so much that nothing matters more than you but its not the same way round. thats how disappointed i am.

When i was in taiwan. that first night. i was so happy to see that first message that you sent me in my facebook. " Where Are You?? =(" that tells me how much you miss me when i was in taiwan. that also wat makes to be online every single night to talk to you on facebook while standing and my leg hurts so much after walking for the whole day.. that is how much you mean to me. Do you know that Sat i was so sad becos you said you are tired from working and you dont wanna pick up my phone? Baby, When you need me and wanna talk to me. even when i cant walk or stand anymore, i still force myself standing in front of the computer for 2 hours or more just to talk to you. BUT you didnt. you were sitting inside the bus resting but not talking to me at all and even wanted me to leave you alone to rest.

you will never know when my tears flow down and how much tears had flown down.
Hello Earth

maybe this place is the only place where i could just say whatever it is in my heart. i know that my words will never reach you.. you will never know how i feel and things going through my head. today morning, we had sort of a quarrel on the phone.. actually i didnt wanna do that.. i wanna have a nice chat with you.. even if there are nothing to talk about and maybe all we talk about was just "what you doing? eat what? miss me? and etc.." all was enough to make me smile a little. you ask me why i look at you with a weird face.. actually.. i look at you with a weird face becos i dont know what kind of face i wanna give you. i dont know whether i wanna smile, wave to you or what. i just have no idea. for a long time, we didnt have a good talk. and i think i had lost my smile again. it seems like even your mum can see from my face that i am not feeling happy. i have no mood for anything. i know that soon you will ask to read this blog since you know that i am writing about things that you wont know..

3 months had pass since we together.. that indicate that we are in love with each other for 3 months. i am happy that i had that 3 months with you. but i dont know how long we could still be together. i wanna spend my life with you. i want you to spend your time with me. i want you to pay attention to me.. i want you to care about me. i want you to ask me have i eaten or what am i doing and that you are missing me right now. i want all that.. i scare one day i will be Tired of trying to smile and tired of waiting for you to care about me..

i dont know why my heart beats so fast now. all i can feel now is my heart just feel like it is crying inside. it's like whatever i wanted from you, i never get it what i want but disappointment. sometimes i am angry becos i want you to care about me more.. now, you dont seems to care about me much. you never ask have i eaten my dinner, lunch, breakfast.

i just find it hard to find you now.. it feels like only you could find me but i cant find you. Do you even know that today morning when you call me, i was sleeping but i still wakes up to talk to you even though i am tired becos i know if i dont talk to you. it will be hard for me to talk to you again. although the conversation didnt end well. i still did my part by talking to you. i just wanna hear your voice. i wanna you to automatically say you miss me. i dont wanna ask for answer of whether you miss me or not. i want all that...

i really cant smile now.. dad pay me back my 300 bucks and i didnt even smile back to him. i didnt smile to mum. i just pull a long face at home. dad knows that i am feeling down and ask mum not to disturb me.. just let me be. maybe there are gap in between us already? that you dont need me anymore? you finds me annoying? tired of me?? i dont know..

i just want you to know that i still loves you. Do you feel that you are tightly being tied by me and dont have freedom?? if yes, tell me then i will give you a idea of getting back your freedoms and i wont be able to take it from you anymore.. the idea is. maybe when i go army then we could just break off? so you dont have to make urself free on friday and saturday to pei me.. this way, you will have more freedom already.If you say no then we will still continue bah.