Hello Earth

maybe this place is the only place where i could just say whatever it is in my heart. i know that my words will never reach you.. you will never know how i feel and things going through my head. today morning, we had sort of a quarrel on the phone.. actually i didnt wanna do that.. i wanna have a nice chat with you.. even if there are nothing to talk about and maybe all we talk about was just "what you doing? eat what? miss me? and etc.." all was enough to make me smile a little. you ask me why i look at you with a weird face.. actually.. i look at you with a weird face becos i dont know what kind of face i wanna give you. i dont know whether i wanna smile, wave to you or what. i just have no idea. for a long time, we didnt have a good talk. and i think i had lost my smile again. it seems like even your mum can see from my face that i am not feeling happy. i have no mood for anything. i know that soon you will ask to read this blog since you know that i am writing about things that you wont know..

3 months had pass since we together.. that indicate that we are in love with each other for 3 months. i am happy that i had that 3 months with you. but i dont know how long we could still be together. i wanna spend my life with you. i want you to spend your time with me. i want you to pay attention to me.. i want you to care about me. i want you to ask me have i eaten or what am i doing and that you are missing me right now. i want all that.. i scare one day i will be Tired of trying to smile and tired of waiting for you to care about me..

i dont know why my heart beats so fast now. all i can feel now is my heart just feel like it is crying inside. it's like whatever i wanted from you, i never get it what i want but disappointment. sometimes i am angry becos i want you to care about me more.. now, you dont seems to care about me much. you never ask have i eaten my dinner, lunch, breakfast.

i just find it hard to find you now.. it feels like only you could find me but i cant find you. Do you even know that today morning when you call me, i was sleeping but i still wakes up to talk to you even though i am tired becos i know if i dont talk to you. it will be hard for me to talk to you again. although the conversation didnt end well. i still did my part by talking to you. i just wanna hear your voice. i wanna you to automatically say you miss me. i dont wanna ask for answer of whether you miss me or not. i want all that...

i really cant smile now.. dad pay me back my 300 bucks and i didnt even smile back to him. i didnt smile to mum. i just pull a long face at home. dad knows that i am feeling down and ask mum not to disturb me.. just let me be. maybe there are gap in between us already? that you dont need me anymore? you finds me annoying? tired of me?? i dont know..

i just want you to know that i still loves you. Do you feel that you are tightly being tied by me and dont have freedom?? if yes, tell me then i will give you a idea of getting back your freedoms and i wont be able to take it from you anymore.. the idea is. maybe when i go army then we could just break off? so you dont have to make urself free on friday and saturday to pei me.. this way, you will have more freedom already.If you say no then we will still continue bah.

I LOVE YOU